Pre-Nuptual Project- Phase 2

Do you get anxiety attacks?

Do you feel like an ugly goat every time you look in the mirror?

Do you practise your smile in front of the mirror every chance you get?

Do you treat your friends like your slaves?

Do you try all your wedding dresses over and over again?

Do you break into tears over things as small as- "cant find matching nail polish"?

Do you get sleepless nights over gift wrapping?

Do you feel like throwing all your money away on anything that says "exclusively bridal"?

Do you secretly hate all your relatives/friends who are excited about coming to your wedding?

Do you constantly refer to bridal magazines, even to see how to walk?

Do you get worry pimples over your stress pimples?

Do you suddenly feel an unreasonable attachment to your old clothes/books/shoes/etc.?

Do you feel that your own behaviour is irritating you?

Do you find yourself agreeing to anything that anyone says?

Do you feel fat?

If your answer to any or all of these questions is yes, then hop onto the train ride to "sasural-ville".

In the past one month:
I took marital advice from the single and heard about the modern house wife's way of doing things from the oldest most typical aunties ever. I tried speaking in Gujrati with my friends 3 year old son and even he found my pronunciation funny but I still kept on blabbering shit. I sat through my moms lectures which starts with her anger and ends in tears through frustration. I bear my sisters unreasonable tantrums over guest list and decorations on daily basis. I have become a silent witness to all the brain storming sessions that go out of hand. I've wandered the market for hours just to get that right gift bag color and size. I have not cleaned my room since a month and the state of my room is a direct depiction of the state of my brain- "scattered".

If after all this if someone tells me I don't have enough patience, I swear to God you leave me no options, but to snap!!

There's lots to do but I fail to see the starting point, there's even more that will be undone till the last minute, so I think why bother stressing over it from now, but yet I worry. But most of all I worry about being liked in the new house/new family/new city.

Pre-Nuptual Project- Phase 1

With the D-Date approaching soon, I am training myself for a hell number of things, the top 3 being: walking heads up, killing the inner need to laugh on things that only I find funny, and ofcourse learning the bohra cuisine.

And when am not doing all that and making endless lists of everything and anything and sticking it up on my dresser mirror, I am training my mom to do those simple things that she never did on her own coz one of us was always around. Its not like my mom is old or out-dated, she's just simple and never bothered bothering herself with doing things which we could do for her. Therefore, I have taken this gargantuan task of teaching her things like:

1. To change the channels on the satellite receiver (that remote has like airlane controll system number of buttons)

2. To save a phone number on her cell phone and how to look up missed calls (on a nokia flip phone)

3. To buy her shampoo from Boots (there r just too many options)

4. To use a Debit card for shopping (I dunno if thats a good idea)

5. To switch on the iPod/laptop to make a skype call (coz thats free. right!!)

6.  To mark invitations on the calendar (she is the social dragon fly of Salmiya)

7. To open the jewellery box (it has a maddening combination)

These things may be simple to us, but for my mom generation, its rocket science!!.And beleive me you, its not easy to make her follow instructions. But, its still easier than her trying to make me understand the symmetrical and edible construction of a roti. In return, I hope that someday my kids will be patient enough while teaching me how to operate our " robot housekeeper".