I think I worry too much.

People talk of professional growth, personal growth, financial growth and what not but nobody talks about successfully raising humans and winning at it, there’s no role model or book that I can follow.

I have been a full time working mom, part time working mom and also a stay at home mom and I can say that nothing makes me happy, professionally, personally or financially. I love my children but I cannot be around them 24/7 and am sure they feel the same. I care and worry for them endlessly but I don’t want to smother them with my concerns and have no other aspirations in life. I want them to be independent and free thinkers yet I interrupt them and force them to behave in certain manner even when we are at home. I teach them about being safe and not talk to strangers, and in the process I am afraid that they are coming off as rude and arrogant spoilt brats who don’t thank or smile at a cashier or a cab driver. In short, you can never be sure that the “life lessons” that you are imparting are gonna work in the long run and make decent people out of them.

While we were raised, certain things were right and certain were grossly wrong and as a child at that time, I used to think to myself that I won’t do this to my children or embarrass them in this way EVER , yet there are times when I am having a hard time managing my  flock and resort to the classic “my mom’s” tactics and yes instantly I get possessed by my mom and things work out just fine.

Then we also meet other people and their kids and some can be terrible if not bad influence (my kids have learnt to roll their eyes when they don’t like them, something that their father thinks has come from their mom, yours truly). Also kids at school, that come in the form of bullies, clingy friends, arrogant divas etc etc… There’s no way to ensure that they are with the best company and that they will not forget their manners and mind their behavior with them.

When my husband comes home each night and we ask about each other’s day, his usual response is a one word answer (good-bad-tiring- Alhamdulillah) but mine are mostly about how unfair and unkind this world had been towards my two angels and his response to my saga is always, “don’t dramatize things”!!!  or “Its normal”. That’s y I blogged about my dilemmas. I think I worry too much.

Excited out of my head

My kids start school from 1st of April, yes almost 3 n half months to go, but am excited out of my head. So much so, that I might cry on the first day while dropping them off. They really grow up too fast!!!!

I have so many expectations from myself , like giving them healthy lunchs, unlike the chips and juice we used to gobble, I want to make their costumes for fancy dress, make them the best projects and models and teach them everything before that teacher would so that they can act over smart in the class. yes thats right,..why not???