As my most cherished early memories from childhood is my dad taking me to watch "Khalnayak", n the most depressing one being-how much I cried when I came home from school and half of "chameli ki shaadi" was already over ;((it was brutal, I had only seen it 50 number of times), you can prolly imagine how filmy I am.
Then there were the times when the very thaught of me breaking into a dance routine would irritate my brother (which was later subdued to breaking into a random song). As time passed I evolved, I became more creative, a friend of mine n me (I know shes reading this) even made a fruit basket out of carved out watermelon to place on our heads and dance like SriDevi did in Mr. India (-please youtube "hawa hawai" for reference.) Later in life my days used to pass solely by making outrageously non-sensical parodies of all the hindi movie songs (thankfully I kept them to myself)....The point being I used to watch a lot of movies, no hindi movie went unseen before my eyes. Its amazing how I compeleted school and college with that kind of lifestyle.
But Alas!! I grew up, theres not enough time n not enough patience. But whatever I do, wherever I am.. I can pick a hindi movie reference for that situation and start expecting things to happen that way....which ofcouse does not happen...n hence therefore are born the disappointments of my disappointing life:
1.Like everytime am at the airport, till the time when the flights about to take off....I secretly hope someones moving mountains to reach there and stop me, just to confess his love which he realised last minute(also managing to make life long friendship/ gaining respect of the traffic police and airport officials while at it).stupid loser that he is, but ill love him in return eventually. Obviously nothing as such is ever going to happen, yet I expect.
2.This happens to me at the hospitals- I feel there should be atleast one assylum in the world where there is atleast one person who is mentally unstable and uncurable beyond mediacal miracles just because I rejected his love. Through this blog, I am trying to reach that mental patient...."Dear you, Am engaged!!!". -- But Just one!! is it asking for too much, but none so far.
3. Then there r those "expectation murderer" dates, where everything is just normal. Where it dint rain.. We dint suddenly appear in a desert or near the pyramids just to singa song. And he did not even engage in a fist fight with some gundas who were eyeing my exceptional beauty... or atleast get me some flowers.. or make some out of the way arrangements. atleast, a compliment. I think ill break into a sad song right now while typing this.
4. Thanks to hindi movies, I have this unrealistic optimism and positivity that irritates the crap out of people. No solutions will appear on their own just coz we bore the burdens with a smile. In reality, everyone gets mad at me for wasting their time by my two bits of wisdom borrowed from the movies and every messed up situation is bound to get further messed up. The goodness never really triumphed over evil and the poor never became the masters. I hope u all are happy, now that the world is going to end in 2012 (according to the movie 2012). and then there is this compulsive need to change lives and reach out to ppl BUT almost everyone I tried to reach out to, wanted to be left alone. n pleaded me to give up on them.burn u all.
5.My scientific and religeous beleifs are a bit screwed up as well...like all r supposed to turn into a star after dieing (its not scientifically un-proven yet), my dead grandma will be reborn as my daughter some day (who knows for sure??) And the wisdom that I recevied from 500 or so hindi movies that,Marriages are made in heaven...then why is dere a shaadi.com??? y wont God just destroy tht website with a stroke of lightening ???.Then there is the most important blackmaiil technique- The God blackmail, u tell him if he doesnt do this or that as per your wish or urgency ull never ever set foot in that temple again!! obviously GOd does not give in n hes prolly LOLing@you.
6. Movies have made me emotionally disoriented... It shocks me how so many people watch horror movies, and go home feeling entertained. I just cannot sit thru a horror movie .. n then I stay up for months even if ppl mention that scence from that movie (WAAAAAaaaaaa). ALso, thanks to the movies...I am extremely concious of being branded "FILMY" when attempting a romantic gesture, hence killing the inner need I end up doing nothing at all(bangs head to the walls) n then regretting later. Also crying hysterically while watching a movie, has never earned me any respect in the society. (I had a lump in my throat all thru Tere naam which broke into rivers of tears, n I dint have tissue so I wiped my nose on my sleeves.)why do they do this to us???
And even if something has happened amazingly, I cant help but comment..."this is exactly like in that movie...." Why am i like this?? Why cant I seperate movies from real life and do a big favor on myself and the world around me???
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Reasons Why I defriended you on Facebook
Thanks to my unusual powers at observing the usual behaviour, I have noticded that ,more n more people are developing some sort of "Social Networking Disorder" at a very alarming rate and something needs to be done before we start behaving like them, and that we will eventually...coz of the paradox that they r so many and we dont want to be left alone so we mindlessly do wht the rest are doing (the same reason why I gave in and embraced the whole idea of wearing sun glasses inside the mall).
But I will not be a silent sufferer while you drive me nutts through your moronic actions on Facebook. I have to (and will continue to..) DEFRIEND you. If you are reading this, here's why I defriended you on Facebook.
1. Your pictures:
You dont have to capture every moment of your life, you dont need to bore us with 555 albums, most of which will look like- "going for groccery shopping", "waiting for cab", "making dinner", "eating dinner", "blah blah...& shit shit". I dont have those kind of patience yet, especially when all your friends have sworn in to comment atleast 55 times on one pic. n just so I cant ignore it, you tag me in the pics tht am not even in....Its kind of mentally challenging when I have to watch all this while sitting in a brown cubicle and not being able to scream in pain and agony. So I Defriended you.
2. Your status messages:
I hate myself for knowing the kinds of you who feel the need to update the world on every happenings of ur life or describe every passing spectacle that crossed your eyes.. Just FYI, it doesnt make any one think that you are happening, it only confirms how sad you are- thts y I defriended you. what was the deal with updating the status with ur bra color ?? (I'd really want to know how many lives were saved with tht kind of Breast Cancer Awareness) n song lyrics.... really!! be original, be thaught provoking (if not revolutinary).
3. Your invitations:
Those game invitations...I dont care if you get killed by real mafia (higly literally) or if you grow shit in you farm and I hope your fishes get killed by a whale. also, i seriously dont wanna know who viewed my profile!!!!
4. Poke me not:
I view it as someone jumping up and down for attention - a behaviour most similar to my 4 year old cousins. instead I suggest you hit me with a hockey stick when you meet me in person.
5. Tag me not:
I am a normal person all thru the week but the weekends brings out the freak inside me (or the zombie) and just coz you happened to be there with your camera does not mean I must pose. just let me be. half of my frnds dont usually know tht am with the other half and these tags exposes my deception. plus there r work related ppl and in laws related future relatives on FB who must at all times remain oblivious to my "ghetto" lifestyle. (also those uncles who think am sucha bore and hence so adorable). You just could not stop tagging me and I just could not sleep in peace at night so I had to defriend you.
6.You were a newbie:
You were so new to Facebook that you did all of the above mentioned... all at once, instead of shooting myself with my dagger, I chose to defriend you.
7. You were from my hometown:
I love my ppl and my place so much I would take a bullet for Banswara. BUT not add them on Facebook. Just for sake of sanity. A month in a year is enough for all tht I can take... after all, theres a reason why I was raised outside the town. Apologies to the cousins, and their cousins, and their friends and all their parents, I had to defriend you, coz I dint really think before joining facebook that the Facebook revolution will reach my village too.
Even tho I have defriended you, I'd still be civil n nice when we meet in real life. But u must understand..that-Facebook is stupid, but am still on it!! It saves a lot on texting (am not cheap, am wise), it also provides me with the joys of looking at your wedding pics, and your babys pictures and those cute couple poses (mines pending for quite some time now) and how I can call up our mutual friends and laugh my gutts out at your current display pic!!! yes, I know am a horrible horrible person...y dont u go ahead n defriend me.
But I will not be a silent sufferer while you drive me nutts through your moronic actions on Facebook. I have to (and will continue to..) DEFRIEND you. If you are reading this, here's why I defriended you on Facebook.
1. Your pictures:
You dont have to capture every moment of your life, you dont need to bore us with 555 albums, most of which will look like- "going for groccery shopping", "waiting for cab", "making dinner", "eating dinner", "blah blah...& shit shit". I dont have those kind of patience yet, especially when all your friends have sworn in to comment atleast 55 times on one pic. n just so I cant ignore it, you tag me in the pics tht am not even in....Its kind of mentally challenging when I have to watch all this while sitting in a brown cubicle and not being able to scream in pain and agony. So I Defriended you.
2. Your status messages:
I hate myself for knowing the kinds of you who feel the need to update the world on every happenings of ur life or describe every passing spectacle that crossed your eyes.. Just FYI, it doesnt make any one think that you are happening, it only confirms how sad you are- thts y I defriended you. what was the deal with updating the status with ur bra color ?? (I'd really want to know how many lives were saved with tht kind of Breast Cancer Awareness) n song lyrics.... really!! be original, be thaught provoking (if not revolutinary).
3. Your invitations:
Those game invitations...I dont care if you get killed by real mafia (higly literally) or if you grow shit in you farm and I hope your fishes get killed by a whale. also, i seriously dont wanna know who viewed my profile!!!!
4. Poke me not:
I view it as someone jumping up and down for attention - a behaviour most similar to my 4 year old cousins. instead I suggest you hit me with a hockey stick when you meet me in person.
5. Tag me not:
I am a normal person all thru the week but the weekends brings out the freak inside me (or the zombie) and just coz you happened to be there with your camera does not mean I must pose. just let me be. half of my frnds dont usually know tht am with the other half and these tags exposes my deception. plus there r work related ppl and in laws related future relatives on FB who must at all times remain oblivious to my "ghetto" lifestyle. (also those uncles who think am sucha bore and hence so adorable). You just could not stop tagging me and I just could not sleep in peace at night so I had to defriend you.
6.You were a newbie:
You were so new to Facebook that you did all of the above mentioned... all at once, instead of shooting myself with my dagger, I chose to defriend you.
7. You were from my hometown:
I love my ppl and my place so much I would take a bullet for Banswara. BUT not add them on Facebook. Just for sake of sanity. A month in a year is enough for all tht I can take... after all, theres a reason why I was raised outside the town. Apologies to the cousins, and their cousins, and their friends and all their parents, I had to defriend you, coz I dint really think before joining facebook that the Facebook revolution will reach my village too.
Even tho I have defriended you, I'd still be civil n nice when we meet in real life. But u must understand..that-Facebook is stupid, but am still on it!! It saves a lot on texting (am not cheap, am wise), it also provides me with the joys of looking at your wedding pics, and your babys pictures and those cute couple poses (mines pending for quite some time now) and how I can call up our mutual friends and laugh my gutts out at your current display pic!!! yes, I know am a horrible horrible person...y dont u go ahead n defriend me.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Bucket list- cheap version
So I am going to turn 25 very soon. SAD coz I am still getting pimples at this age and HAPPY coz due to this people think that I am younger (twisted...I no!!). And thanks to God, by now I have learnt to meet people of all age n sizes with appropriate mannerism (or I like to think so). I have mastered the art of small talk and I no longer abruptly interrupt people when they are killing me with their boring stories nor do I excuse myself for the washroom when it’s being said for the 108th time.
Henceforth the focus is on looking at the big picture- Life's short and possibilities are endless, from here onwards I am going to be in full charge of my happiness and not just wait for things to happen and expect people to change. So Don’t judge me coz it is as good as it can get. I have a bucket list of things to do at some point in my life or in immediate future, as and when the opportunity may arise.
1. Crash an Indian wedding just to eat and dance like crazy.
2. Eat 50 pani puris at once.
3. Engage in a cake throwing brawl. (like in every other Hindi movie of the 90s)
4. Drive an Auto rickshaw
5. Sing in the local train and charge people for that.
6. Wear a tiara to work.
7. Plant a mango tree, and eat the mangoes from that very same tree.
8. Row a boat to catch a fish.
9. Give someone a hair cut.
10. Become a kinder garden teacher.
11. Start a revolution of some kind.
12. Dash into a Hindi movie actor at some airport and act all over excited lunatic. (Anyone will do...even Chunky Pandey/Tushar Kapoor)
13. Own a pet rabbit that I'd call - Hungry Bunny.
14. Bake a cake from scratch
15. Run a marathon
Henceforth the focus is on looking at the big picture- Life's short and possibilities are endless, from here onwards I am going to be in full charge of my happiness and not just wait for things to happen and expect people to change. So Don’t judge me coz it is as good as it can get. I have a bucket list of things to do at some point in my life or in immediate future, as and when the opportunity may arise.
1. Crash an Indian wedding just to eat and dance like crazy.
2. Eat 50 pani puris at once.
3. Engage in a cake throwing brawl. (like in every other Hindi movie of the 90s)
4. Drive an Auto rickshaw
5. Sing in the local train and charge people for that.
6. Wear a tiara to work.
7. Plant a mango tree, and eat the mangoes from that very same tree.
8. Row a boat to catch a fish.
9. Give someone a hair cut.
10. Become a kinder garden teacher.
11. Start a revolution of some kind.
12. Dash into a Hindi movie actor at some airport and act all over excited lunatic. (Anyone will do...even Chunky Pandey/Tushar Kapoor)
13. Own a pet rabbit that I'd call - Hungry Bunny.
14. Bake a cake from scratch
15. Run a marathon
Friday, March 25, 2011
You know your lifes sad when.....
Never in life was I prepared to be this bored and pathetic all at once. Almost all of my good friends have relocated due to work/further studies/marriage. etc. I am stranded in Kuwait...the already socially dead place. Its so sad, that I decided to blog on a Friday night after realising that I can no longer watch tv anymore (I wont be exaggerating if I say that I have a hole in my thumb from flipping channels) and I just cannot speak to one more distant/close relative....Its just not good for their health or mine. And I refuse to go out with the remaining friends that are hell bent on giving me relationship advices that I just dont need (for the sake of sanity).
At a point, I am so bored (actually frustrated) that I have 3 uncompeleted novels since 3 months, 2 brand new shoes unworn since 2 months and 3 pending violin classes since a month. In short, I have lost the interest in things I loved to do.
In my moment of self pity and dispair I thaught and came up with this list, if you relate then please join the club.
You know your lifes sad when:
1. You miss work on weekends.
2. Crazy thaughts like having lots of babies asap cross your mind over n over again.
3. You consider going for groccery shopping with your parents.
4. You exchange numbers with that girl from school you never spoke to rather made fun of.
5. You have a list of places to travel on your dresser mirror that motivates you.
6. Your only inspiration to look fit is to please the dietician.
7. You cry buckets after watching Toy Story 3 and then decide to watch Sex and the city 1 & 2 back to back for the gazillionth time.
8. You fantacize about the trip to the mall on getting the next pay cheque.
9. You look forward to falling asleep the second after a 10 hour long sleep.
10. You change your display picture on Facebook for the fourth time in one month.
11. You consider becoming a teacher.
12. You wonder, what the hell is Rakhi Sawant upto these days.
13. People who ask : "when is your wedding?" actually cause 90% of anxiety and stress in your life. (Its still dont know...get over it will u)
14. You happily take up others assignments at work just to be busy.
15. You have strict zero tolerance policy towards long stories and repetition.
16. You're happy because Desperate Housewife's new season is starting.
17. You have 5 shirts that you burnt while ironing in last three months but u dont throw them. you look at them over and over again to get mad at urself.
18. You wish you had one hindi daily soap that you could follow day in n day out coz they just never get over.
19. You plan and wish for a simple wedding (to be honest its harder than planning a grand wedding)
20. You have a list for everything and anything (for example this one)
At a point, I am so bored (actually frustrated) that I have 3 uncompeleted novels since 3 months, 2 brand new shoes unworn since 2 months and 3 pending violin classes since a month. In short, I have lost the interest in things I loved to do.
In my moment of self pity and dispair I thaught and came up with this list, if you relate then please join the club.
You know your lifes sad when:
1. You miss work on weekends.
2. Crazy thaughts like having lots of babies asap cross your mind over n over again.
3. You consider going for groccery shopping with your parents.
4. You exchange numbers with that girl from school you never spoke to rather made fun of.
5. You have a list of places to travel on your dresser mirror that motivates you.
6. Your only inspiration to look fit is to please the dietician.
7. You cry buckets after watching Toy Story 3 and then decide to watch Sex and the city 1 & 2 back to back for the gazillionth time.
8. You fantacize about the trip to the mall on getting the next pay cheque.
9. You look forward to falling asleep the second after a 10 hour long sleep.
10. You change your display picture on Facebook for the fourth time in one month.
11. You consider becoming a teacher.
12. You wonder, what the hell is Rakhi Sawant upto these days.
13. People who ask : "when is your wedding?" actually cause 90% of anxiety and stress in your life. (Its still dont know...get over it will u)
14. You happily take up others assignments at work just to be busy.
15. You have strict zero tolerance policy towards long stories and repetition.
16. You're happy because Desperate Housewife's new season is starting.
17. You have 5 shirts that you burnt while ironing in last three months but u dont throw them. you look at them over and over again to get mad at urself.
18. You wish you had one hindi daily soap that you could follow day in n day out coz they just never get over.
19. You plan and wish for a simple wedding (to be honest its harder than planning a grand wedding)
20. You have a list for everything and anything (for example this one)
Thursday, February 17, 2011
I hate Valentine's Day-thts true!!
Three days after the valentine's day and I've realised that after so many years of singledome and a year of engagement-pan...I've grown to hate this day more n more with each passing year. The reason being... I may not light candles and buy heart shaped candies and make heart shaped cards for the "lucky winner". Emotionally handicapped OR Romanticaly challenged..u decide. But deep down I know am waiting to be wooed on this very same day. I may laugh at all those sappy couples who plan n plan for this day n dress up n get all mushy about the overly hyped up- "the candle light dinner" but again deep down I wanna try whats it like (Ok so??we all have double standards.....plz dont judge me-I need red roses...and violins should play in the background while am eating!! *confesses- I even have a pretty red dress saved for this since 3 years *hides face )
But obviously nothing happens!!
I tell myself that he is far...and we are both not the types to find happiness in miniscule things and doing silly lil stuff on Valentine's Day. I like to make myself beleive that we are different and beyond the normalcy that other couples engage in. Which is true . But then why did I feel like killing every girl at work who got flowers delivered in her cubicle (followed by an overly exclaimed AWWWW!!!!!)???...I even got depressed to a point where I thaught of ordering some for myself...and was almost convinced to do so by the end of the day when lillies arrived for the fattest girl on the floor. This is how much this stupid day messes with your head. Sad but true. I have unresolved issues with St. Valentine.
But obviously nothing happens!!
I tell myself that he is far...and we are both not the types to find happiness in miniscule things and doing silly lil stuff on Valentine's Day. I like to make myself beleive that we are different and beyond the normalcy that other couples engage in. Which is true . But then why did I feel like killing every girl at work who got flowers delivered in her cubicle (followed by an overly exclaimed AWWWW!!!!!)???...I even got depressed to a point where I thaught of ordering some for myself...and was almost convinced to do so by the end of the day when lillies arrived for the fattest girl on the floor. This is how much this stupid day messes with your head. Sad but true. I have unresolved issues with St. Valentine.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Fight me not.
Just realised, if they ever recruit me in the army my combat techniques would comprise of :
1. Ignoring the Opponent
2. Instant Tear Mechanism
3. Offensive Name calling
4. Beating around the Bush while Dodging the Bullets
5. Kissing Ass
Its so sad!!! the fact that I've lost what I once had-my ability to fight and fight right and giving people what they deserve right there n then. The "snap-slap-STFU" mechanism is no longer in action- it retired . Its the end of an era- The haters may rejoice.
The realization sank in today - narration time- the pantry girl at work got mad at me for not clearly mentioning what I need when I had clearly told her hot choclate milk n she got plane hot choclate!!! she obviously dint hear the milk part. forgiven. but the audacity with which she threw some attitude at me yelling -"you be clear next time OK I dont like thees, you waste my time" pointing her finger n East Asian eyes n nose at me totally freaking me out (so much that I could only respond by blogging here, where she will never read) n I apologized to her and she walked off without acknowledging it. I told myself, may be shes having a bad day- then she returns with the right order n I smile wide thanking her n I ask her "how r u ??" she replies: "You waste my time, I am busy"n I say sorry again ...she- walks off.
OMG!! I cant stand this indifference from the pantry girl, I swear to god I got a lump in my throat ready to burst into tears. I could not tell her anything and my brain was formulating ways to kiss her ass and make her like me. Instead of asking her to do her work right I was blaming myself for not repeating the order. I wanted to give her the tried and tested glare and tear her apart with my snide remarks (strictly literally). Which I dint. But I wish I had coz the word is out and everybodys talkign abt it with me as the "evil vamp" anyways. (office gossip is the saddest form of gossips. period.)
Fighting is not the ultimate solution. And I am not referring to anything that might include nunchuks, knives, AK 47, taekwando etc. but only the socially accepted kind of evil cunnyving manipulations that humans engage in, that leads to angry confrontations through excessive usage of verbal abuse or cold silent treatmennt (much more dangerous). But you have got to fight when you have to fight. Sometimes, just to be taken seriously or even when it doesnt benefit anyone..sometimes you got to fight for someone else who can't, sometimes you just have to support the ones you love when they are at it.
I feel I have lost the will to even try. Infact, I pray that sucha situation never comes up where I am asked to take sides or where I am asked for an honest opinion which may lead to a fight (to be honest, nobody really needs an honest opinion yet they keep asking for one :S). In school I was a fiesty tigeress , I had once even slapped a junior (not too proud of it) for a reason so silly that its best unmentioned. Later, in college I was the kind who would be triggered if messed with but other wise your good old "agony aunt" (again, not too proud of it) But not anymore. Something killed the old me, for better or for worse-only time will show!! But rite now I miss her! I miss her lots!!
1. Ignoring the Opponent
2. Instant Tear Mechanism
3. Offensive Name calling
4. Beating around the Bush while Dodging the Bullets
5. Kissing Ass
Its so sad!!! the fact that I've lost what I once had-my ability to fight and fight right and giving people what they deserve right there n then. The "snap-slap-STFU" mechanism is no longer in action- it retired . Its the end of an era- The haters may rejoice.
The realization sank in today - narration time- the pantry girl at work got mad at me for not clearly mentioning what I need when I had clearly told her hot choclate milk n she got plane hot choclate!!! she obviously dint hear the milk part. forgiven. but the audacity with which she threw some attitude at me yelling -"you be clear next time OK I dont like thees, you waste my time" pointing her finger n East Asian eyes n nose at me totally freaking me out (so much that I could only respond by blogging here, where she will never read) n I apologized to her and she walked off without acknowledging it. I told myself, may be shes having a bad day- then she returns with the right order n I smile wide thanking her n I ask her "how r u ??" she replies: "You waste my time, I am busy"n I say sorry again ...she- walks off.
OMG!! I cant stand this indifference from the pantry girl, I swear to god I got a lump in my throat ready to burst into tears. I could not tell her anything and my brain was formulating ways to kiss her ass and make her like me. Instead of asking her to do her work right I was blaming myself for not repeating the order. I wanted to give her the tried and tested glare and tear her apart with my snide remarks (strictly literally). Which I dint. But I wish I had coz the word is out and everybodys talkign abt it with me as the "evil vamp" anyways. (office gossip is the saddest form of gossips. period.)
Fighting is not the ultimate solution. And I am not referring to anything that might include nunchuks, knives, AK 47, taekwando etc. but only the socially accepted kind of evil cunnyving manipulations that humans engage in, that leads to angry confrontations through excessive usage of verbal abuse or cold silent treatmennt (much more dangerous). But you have got to fight when you have to fight. Sometimes, just to be taken seriously or even when it doesnt benefit anyone..sometimes you got to fight for someone else who can't, sometimes you just have to support the ones you love when they are at it.
I feel I have lost the will to even try. Infact, I pray that sucha situation never comes up where I am asked to take sides or where I am asked for an honest opinion which may lead to a fight (to be honest, nobody really needs an honest opinion yet they keep asking for one :S). In school I was a fiesty tigeress , I had once even slapped a junior (not too proud of it) for a reason so silly that its best unmentioned. Later, in college I was the kind who would be triggered if messed with but other wise your good old "agony aunt" (again, not too proud of it) But not anymore. Something killed the old me, for better or for worse-only time will show!! But rite now I miss her! I miss her lots!!
Saturday, December 18, 2010
The Curse of Advices
You all ,
(am adressing all the four may be five existing readers)
By the end of this post I am not sure if you will look at me with pity or respect as Am gonna list down all the top advices that I've got in the year 2010 from my family, friends, family friends, strangers and strange friends/family/family friends. Obviously all of them came unasked for or may be my "gloomy bored of life" expression invited some (i like to call it my thinking face) and some were fruits of my own plantation-slash- moronic actions. And I wonder...Its so crazy that my company pays millions in consultancy services, they obviously dont know the untapped potential of my people.
1. Almost Everybody: "Learn to speak Gujrati" (its high time now...I think i should)
2. Father: "Dont talk so fast"
3. Mother: "Dont talk to everbody like you own them"
4. Brother: "Dont talk to anybody" (am not that bad....he's just too extreme)
5. Sister: "Nobody gets your jokes so stop it allrite" :S
6.Sister Again: "Treat your boss like your mother in law"
7. Fiance: "Fix that tooth....dont frown" *frowning
8. Ntasha : "Get a loyalty test done on your fiance" (if you are equally lame enough to watch Emotional Atyachaar then you'd know what we are talking about)
9. Lavina: "You have got to learn to walk slow"
10. Abeer: "Its about time you made some babies" :S
11. Umema: "Give up singing in your nasal voice"(its all that I have)
12. Umema again: "dont act all nice n kind when you are not" (ok??)
13. Umema once more: "Dont laugh on your own jokes" *hides face
14. Sister (and few cousins): At her wedding, "You must never dance in public" (so much for being happy :( ... but shes right am outta-control when unleashed)
15. Safa: "you should never call.....He should call...coz He's the guy" (even though thats the general code amongst gals....I never got this logic .....also that logic about ladies going to the washroom in large groups et al....we shall discuss this matter in great depth in a later post titled "Unexplained Female behaviours")
16. Safa Again: "shop as much as you can rite now, your husband will never allow" (I really want to know her source of information)
17. Jumana: "You are doing the biggest favor on him just by being engaged to him you should not do anything else (she meant dont be nice...n be a bitch all the time) and if it doesnt work out then my brother in law is still single n looking". (Back up....check)
18. 10 or more aunties: At my sis' wedding "you should've seduced your man into marrying you and today you'd be getting married here too" (one even did a small wiki-how demonstration for me ..... my feelings were ...should I laugh or Should I cry??)
19. Uncle: "Never disclose your salary to anyone" (he had already asked me a second ago)
20. Another Uncle : "A good wife is the one who can cook well....thats all I ask for...learn to cook beta" (am trying uncle *wipes tears of despreration)
21. All the above: "Wear Heels"
Just for the record I love you all and I dunno what we'd do with all the time if we dint pass on random advices to each other.... prolly fight or judge each other ....but that does not mean that you or I must follow them coz when it comes to advices our brains are programmed to follow the most negative ones that are thrown at us....by default and take offense on those that are genuine and constructive (something went wrong somewhere..God knows what).
And as we move from one phase of life to another there r gonna be more n more advices to come coz basically we seek them, not for solutions but for conversations coz in the end whatever happens is only what we deserved.
Hence, As this year ends am giving up another of my passion/obsession- Advising (after Match making) as I no longer see the point in giving any. And I am taking up "obsessively worrying about the future" and "Project- Break up those losers. Lets hope it works out for the best of everybody.
(am adressing all the four may be five existing readers)
By the end of this post I am not sure if you will look at me with pity or respect as Am gonna list down all the top advices that I've got in the year 2010 from my family, friends, family friends, strangers and strange friends/family/family friends. Obviously all of them came unasked for or may be my "gloomy bored of life" expression invited some (i like to call it my thinking face) and some were fruits of my own plantation-slash- moronic actions. And I wonder...Its so crazy that my company pays millions in consultancy services, they obviously dont know the untapped potential of my people.
1. Almost Everybody: "Learn to speak Gujrati" (its high time now...I think i should)
2. Father: "Dont talk so fast"
3. Mother: "Dont talk to everbody like you own them"
4. Brother: "Dont talk to anybody" (am not that bad....he's just too extreme)
5. Sister: "Nobody gets your jokes so stop it allrite" :S
6.Sister Again: "Treat your boss like your mother in law"
7. Fiance: "Fix that tooth....dont frown" *frowning
8. Ntasha : "Get a loyalty test done on your fiance" (if you are equally lame enough to watch Emotional Atyachaar then you'd know what we are talking about)
9. Lavina: "You have got to learn to walk slow"
10. Abeer: "Its about time you made some babies" :S
11. Umema: "Give up singing in your nasal voice"(its all that I have)
12. Umema again: "dont act all nice n kind when you are not" (ok??)
13. Umema once more: "Dont laugh on your own jokes" *hides face
14. Sister (and few cousins): At her wedding, "You must never dance in public" (so much for being happy :( ... but shes right am outta-control when unleashed)
15. Safa: "you should never call.....He should call...coz He's the guy" (even though thats the general code amongst gals....I never got this logic .....also that logic about ladies going to the washroom in large groups et al....we shall discuss this matter in great depth in a later post titled "Unexplained Female behaviours")
16. Safa Again: "shop as much as you can rite now, your husband will never allow" (I really want to know her source of information)
17. Jumana: "You are doing the biggest favor on him just by being engaged to him you should not do anything else (she meant dont be nice...n be a bitch all the time) and if it doesnt work out then my brother in law is still single n looking". (Back up....check)
18. 10 or more aunties: At my sis' wedding "you should've seduced your man into marrying you and today you'd be getting married here too" (one even did a small wiki-how demonstration for me ..... my feelings were ...should I laugh or Should I cry??)
19. Uncle: "Never disclose your salary to anyone" (he had already asked me a second ago)
20. Another Uncle : "A good wife is the one who can cook well....thats all I ask for...learn to cook beta" (am trying uncle *wipes tears of despreration)
21. All the above: "Wear Heels"
Just for the record I love you all and I dunno what we'd do with all the time if we dint pass on random advices to each other.... prolly fight or judge each other ....but that does not mean that you or I must follow them coz when it comes to advices our brains are programmed to follow the most negative ones that are thrown at us....by default and take offense on those that are genuine and constructive (something went wrong somewhere..God knows what).
And as we move from one phase of life to another there r gonna be more n more advices to come coz basically we seek them, not for solutions but for conversations coz in the end whatever happens is only what we deserved.
Hence, As this year ends am giving up another of my passion/obsession- Advising (after Match making) as I no longer see the point in giving any. And I am taking up "obsessively worrying about the future" and "Project- Break up those losers. Lets hope it works out for the best of everybody.
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