Note to self.

Note to self:

1. Need to Stop Apologizing:

 In recent years I have found myself  transitioning from a stubborn toddler, who would not apologize even if it comes to her life to a person who apologizes for even breathing too loud. I just need to stop doing that, I do not owe any one an apology for taking too long at the public toilet (coz I go in with three bladders- mine n twins), I will not apologize to the kids baby sitter if she says that my kids did not take a nap (coz not even God can make them), and bitch please!!! stop expecting an apology if I do not answer work calls after 4:30. And Dear husband, I will definitely have that particular tone of voice, if you wake me up at 1AM to ask me "where are the head phones??!!!" And I do say sorry in all these scenarios and more (much more pathetic ones) And I really need to stop doing this.

2. Need to dress up:

So I really need to pay more attention to the way I dress, especially if I plan to wake up and go to work each morning, (which pays in money that can buy things). I cannot look like the office maid when the receptionist is suiting up. Plus, am 30 if not now then when?? Also, my husband would be really pleasantly surprised if I took some efforts, last time he agreed to baby sit the babies on a Friday  afternoon (thats the only time he is not working) when I said I would like to visit the parlor to trim those bushy eyebrows- I later apologized for being ten minutes late- slap to self!!

3. Need to stop stressing out over petty things like:

- No space in the cupboard
- broken shoe cabinet
- clock that is stuck at 6:45 from last 36 hrs
- Somebody Renew the dish tv and internet subscription!!! For gods sake
- My husbands love towards disorder and mess
In short, my entire room is falling apart
- Nobody caring for all these things except for me

4. Need to get rid of the clutter in my head:

If theirs a way of having lesser recollection power?? Like I dont need every specific details, like what date that was and what they were wearing and her mom/ uncle said this and the weather was like that and this is exactly how much I spent on that day!!!! so on n so forth.... till infinity. Similarly I dont need to know every hindi song by heart inside out!!!  why does my brain have this useless talent to remember unwanted nonsensical things???

5. Need to stop going to the mall with kids:

As if life wasn't hard enough just managing them at home, I take them to the mall. (enough said)


6. Need to start keeping in touch:

I come from a family where at least 15 ppl come to see you off at the airport and much more so when you are going or coming back from a religious trip. So that's how close our friends and families are....(sometimes its suffocating but mostly it pays off on Eid). But after marriage, I feel a bit cut off from all this family drama (closeness) and I miss it a lot especially coz my in-laws side is not that way (they could actually feel at home on a deserted island). I miss my people and the madness and that's why I need to keep more in touch with who ever I have immediately available in the UAE region.

7. Need to stop feeling guilty for having a good time:

Like occasionally, I do get time off of kids and husband to spend it with friends, go for movies for grown ups (n without songs) or go shopping or eat at places where sophisticated ppl go (read: ppl without kids) and while at it, I can never return home feeling happy about it, I am always guilty for having a good time, its so bad, that I tend to be sad about it while am enjoying it (twisted, I know!!). Sometimes, I am the only one in the group who has brought their kids along!!! What can I say, am I allergic to relaxation ??

8. I need to make time for things I absolutely love:

like reading: I cant remember the last time I actually finished a book ( I had 5 uncompleted ones, that I force-gifted to a colleague coz books involve regularly dusting them)
Gardening: Why cant I be a farmer for a living?
Creating: I love designing dresses for my kids, or making some useful stuff from an old shoe box, or shampoo botl- ,and I love to cook!! its sets me free!! I am that kind of person you find on pinterest, but I need to do that more often.

LASTLY, I need to stick to the notes I make to self~ ~ ~

Office diaries 1

Here I come, sorry for not writing for so long coz I was actually very busy and apart from raising my dragons I am now also working full time (which pays in terms of money which can be used to buy things). 

Through experience of meeting amazing and mostly annoying people on daily basis through my work as a Recruitment Consultant, I have come to form a list of people who I absolutely cannot stand:

1. The fat person who judges me for having a candy drawer at my desk.

2.The candidate who asks me to text them my email address coz they are too lazy to get up and grab a pen and yet they want to be hired.

3. People who sing at work (I online shop from work, but that's not disturbing any one)

4. That person on the bus who will sit on the isle side...leaving the window seat empty, just so she can sit alone...(u no what...ill make you move even if the whole bus is empty)

5. Those who try to curb my enthusiasm for starting a "party planing committee" at work

6. And that one of them who finished my assorted box of gourmet biscuits that my mom got from Amrika... (I had the right to ask the MD to issue a memo but I dint)

7. You cannot ask me to find a maid for your house coz I am in the Recruitment Dep.

8. Who are these people and how the are they contacting me through whatsapp 

9. The clients who says, "none of the candidates were pretty"- have u seen how ugly u sound?

10. People who find the right person, after all that screening..and go like....am sure there are more like them so lets start looking all over again....and then finally settle for the original find.

In spite of all this, I know in my heart that am also not everybody's favorite person to work with but I try to be as pleasant as possible. 

Possibilities are endless...

I have come to a point in life, where it is not a big deal if I dont have matching shoes for this dress or that I am carrying this same bag for 6 months (1 year actually). I am at a point where lil things make me immensely happy.... like crazy.....like beyond exciting...

Like when every one is online on the cousins whatsapp group making fun of that one poor person.

Like when your kids are so tired by all that park, that they sleep instantly when home...even better....in the car!!

Like when you can talk to a friend without being interrupted by ur kids wanting to banter in the middle.

Like when you are out and exhausted and theres free pomotional coffee (can I taste 2 full cups please)

Like when you meet your school friends and they say....you've not changed a bit.

Like when your mom sends you a 4 mnt audio note about how I need to eat more n I look so weak...(.while i am just stuffing cake in my mouth as and when I can)

Like when my husnand is on a boys night out....and  I have to pretend that its "so unacceptable" but I really love that alone time

Like making dubsmashes with such great intensities that would make madhubala cringe in her grave.

Like watching cat videos

Like my kids getting a b'day invitation ( thats like jackpot actually)

Like when someone appreciates even the slightest...

What more could one ask for?? I wonder...

May be next year I might get that vacation I want...
May be my kids will be compeletely potty trained
May be my husband will be slightly laundry trained
May be ill stop watching mythological serials 
May be ill find my lost phone
May be my husband will gift me a new phone
May be ill start that dream business
May be ill stop stuffing my face with cake
May be ill start doing yoga....
POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS RIGHT??

Its just me.

In life, if you are a mom of twins, then you will be faced with a lot of unnecessary and unwanted emotions from out of nowhere. Few are through the source of people and places (like face book) while others are from self pity and inbuilt frustrations

Like, more often than not, I get an anger outburst at my husband when I see people with maids walking about in malls like they own it, unlike me, trying to locate my kids every five minutes and almost wanting to abandon them. Don't judge me. I once left them at make up kiosk while I went to try on clothes. Mariya had lipstick on her eye lids and Hussaina was applying nail polish on her toes without removing the socks. (cute right????)

Then, the time when people go on complaining about how difficult their child is (one in number) and all the time goes in feeding and bathing and attending to his/her tantrums coz he/she is so STUBBORN and that is why they could not callback or attend (blah shit).  I want to punch you all in the face. To all these people....Firstly, understand your audience!!! (a twin mom) and secondly dont assume that my kids are so quiet and obedient just coz they look so innocent and just coz I choose to not yell at them in public. And the worst kind are those people who wonder why do I even bother coming out of the house with my jing bang, and they wouldn't if they had even one kid let alone twins. 

And, why all that judgement, if I leave the kids at the baby sitters for a night out or to catch a movie. WHY!!!!

Next, I would like to admit that I secretly start pitying and eventually being mad and angry at people who are getting married or getting pregnant... I want to yell at them "ARE YOU STUPID?? DO YOU NOT LIKE YOUR LIFE??" . Please don't jump to conclusions, just letting you know that my husband is amazing and extremely supportive and my kids are adorable and never stop amusing me, its me!! Not them!!

Lastly, stop those facebook check ins to your exotic vacations (Spain, greece, Las Vegas and all that), while am struggling to make it to the salon once in six months. 

I rest my case.

Thanks but no thanks.

Letting you all go

I am in my hometown Kuwait from a month now, I returned after almost a year n a half of Dubai and yes!! it is a welcome change from the every day routine of a "drama queen of a housewife" that I have become (that's right I could exaggerate for hours about any silly thing).  And I was very much excited to come back and spend time with old friends and unwind a bit, organize those reunions and chat about those old days that I miss so much.....But alas!! it looked like I was the only one who was excited about it.

After a lot of unanswered texts and calls, I decided to blog about it...

 I wondered, how I lost so many of my friends that I used to have, many of them colleagues and many from school/college..... is it me or them?? Am I too difficult to hang out with, (given two kids) or have they found better cooler friends??  has my absence made them immune to my charms??

Then I remembered that one time, I had asked my mom as to why she does not go out with her friends instead of always being with us and she had said, she forgot to make friends while she was busy raising us. I knew my question had made her cry and that's why I don't want to be in that situation ever!!

Agreed, raising kids is not an easy thing, and there is not a single minute where you are not preparing for the next thing on the "to-do list" or saving a situation from going out of control..  but I don't want to end up friendless ever. That's why I am gonna let go off of all you old friends who don't want to keep in touch anymore and make myself some new friends. You all can enjoy your jobs, boy friends, cars and vacations while I try to make some mommy friends who can kick ass!!

....and just like that I became wise

Being a mother teaches you a billion of things and in a year and four months of being a mom, I've had constant back ache,  sleepless nights and many regrets but the most important lesson that I've learnt are:

1. NOT TO JUDGE

I have had moments where I wanted to gag my kid from crying (but I dint, I swear), I have had times where I ve eaten their bowl of cerelac coz I was so hungry and tired to get anything for myself, and there was a weak moment when I wanted to bite one of them to stop her from pulling other ones hair (domestic violence) etc. Therefore, I will not judge any ladies with kids from here on onwards, as I know It turns you into an animal whose characteristics are not drawn out yet.

So am sorry for judging that lady at my masjid dinner gathering who ate too fast and packed a big box of food as takeaway.
and also that lady who was always in such a ghastly mess in terms of her grooming and always carried the same bag
and yes sorry for all the times that I thought "why do they even get out of the house"

2. DONT EVER LOOSE YOUR COOL

You will be faced with millions of situations and people who can make you snap and turn you into a fire spitting dragon then go on do that, BITCH slap them. But not when you are a mom because it will directly affect the kids, they sense every tone and mood swing that you go through and then they imitate that tone with you. (my kids talk gibberish and yell back at me sometimes) That's why I have stopped loosing my cool and am a pretty happy person to hang out with (try, it might even annoy u)

When they make a mess, I click pictures....when they fall down I carry them....When they get hit by other kids, I tell them to be strong....When they don't eat, I eat it.

3. NEVER COMPARE

Stop comparing your life, your comforts, your husbands and most importantly your kids with others. None of them are alike and you can make the best of what you have once you decide. period.

Everybody has stories and we all have our pains and joys, so just stop sulking about someone's Facebook check-ins while you are sulking alone at home.

4. NO COUNSELING SESSIONS PLEASE

Earlier I had the time for match making, listening to your heart break stories and things like that, but really, I couldn't care less if you just got dumped when I have two lives depending on me.

Its important to keep in touch and reconnect, have a good laugh and relax....but really if you want me to listen to your tall tales of depression then am sorry, I need to be around happy people when I get the time.

5. LISTEN

When people see you with a kid (two kids in my case), they feel the need to advice you, just listen to them without interrupting, they might not be parenting genius (not even a parent at times) but they only mean well, so just listen to them that's all am saying  because snapping at them at that time no matter however ridiculous their theory might be is the most disheartening thing you could do.

Sometimes, my husband comes up with such non sense ideas (like don't use NO in conversation with them which is clearly impossible NO?) but I listen to him.

So I guess, I have enlightened the crowd enough for one night, time to sleep while I still can.
Feel like a Parenting Guru.

Twinning is winning.

My babies are nine months old now (patting my own back) and I have mastered the ninja art of mommy-hood returns (just made that up). Sometimes I am the heartless mom who leaves them alone in the room to cry it out (tough love) while at other times I cant even leave them for fifteen minutes with their dad to go to a saloon to get those rain forest like eye brows done. (FYI the saloon is like five steps away from my house)

Well oh well, I cant say I don't enjoy all the attention I get when I cruise that twin pram around, The "awes" and the "oooh sho cutes" make me feel like a mini celebrity in my own lil self centered world (yes I have one and its with a big ass chandelier right above my head). Wen people ask me how I manage and very humble that I am, I say: "Its just one day at a time".In real, I am dead tired every night and when both of them have slept I cant believe that I actually made that happen.

But sometimes I feel, if it was just one, I would have taken better care, may be dolled her up a lot more and sing to her and read those ridiculously lame kiddy books to them (tried once with all the animated voices I could find, felt pathetic and gave up immediately, my husband does that now)

Then there are those meal times when the baby food skirmishes happen and am praying for science to invent something to make it easier for me to give them that mashed potato and broccoli. (really I would like to fund the research if any one wants to take the initiative)  Heard myself scream the other day "Eat your food or I will eat it" and realized that I've stopped making sense any more.

My younger one has started to crawl and the older one has started to talk, so ones constantly all over the place trying to fall or harm herself daringly and the other is forever "ba ba ba ta ta ta mum mum ma aapppa" and a million repetitions of that. So you can imagine the kind of attention they require and at some point I feel they get a bit jealous of each other or may be I am just imagining things.

I had read somewhere that twin moms live longer than the regular moms, so I guess I will out live you all, and may be I will utilize that time to catch up on all the lost sleep and watch all the movies that I missed and attend every freaking concert and get massages from Chinese, Indian, Thai any one everyone.....and prolly become a hippy or something along with my group of other freaky twin moms. (so cool).

Its not as bad as I make it sound, coz if it was that crazy I wouldn't be having the luxury to be blogging about it. Ha!! now am making sense.