What will I be??

Sitting in my cubicle, I am bored, and I am thinking I could have been something else, do something I really liked, where I would actually be happy to wake up every morning with a purpose most dear to me. But what?? This job is exactly what I studied for, to end up as a manager eventually after some 15-20 years. I thaught I wanted that, but when I see my manager stressing over a tiny dot of a mistake and raising hell over a lost piece of paper, I'd rather pass that opportunity. I could do so many amazing things (I like to think so) but am stuck in a cubicle. But What?



My very first ambition as a child was to be a maid servant, I liked the whole idea of going from one house to another cleaning, dusting, and putting things in place. (dont judge me!! I was 5 yrs. old then) and what made it all the more exciting was when I saw my mom as a housewife doing all this for free (for us) but as a maid I'd get paid, and I'd get to hang out with so many other families (so Khewl!!). Obviously my dreams were shattered when my mom fired our first and only maid till date on the grounds of stealing (still unproven).



Then, my milk teeth started to fall and those were the most tragic days of my life because 4 of my front teeth refused to come back for 3 full years, so every time i opened my mouth, it used to look like a rat hole :( .I was very depressed back in those days especially coz family friends and relatives unanimously decided on calling my mouth the "India gate" and my mom used to try everything possible on heaven and earth to bring those teeth back. I wanted to be a dentist rite then to help people suffering from fate like mine.



Then came the time when Ash and Sush won the Miss World and Miss Universe title, there was so much gung ho in Indian media that it convinced me that I was born to be a beauty queen. Then ash and sush got into movies which was like "wow" moments of my life. I used to even practise giving interviews to the press with my sister and neighbor (Talk about obsessions!! ). Then one day I finally told my mom that I want to be a film actress when I grow up, she explained to me how obscene it is to dance in the rain like that pointing towards the TV (a bollywood song was going on- "tip tip barsa paani") and no respectable girl should be made to do that unless her parents are mad or dead.period. (my mom gets dramatic sometimes!! mostly!! )

From then on, I concentrated my efforts on being a total nurd!! as I thaught id look good in a doctor's jacket and one needs to be smart inuff to get there. But then I got bored of getting good marks and being the good girl. And after getting amazing percentage in tenth standard I shifted towards the Engineering field (all my "supa Khewl" frnds were in that section) but struggled to pass every single day..during those traumatising two years of sitting through math, lost during the chemistry lab sessions and breaking expensive apparatus in the physics lab in my efforts to get it right. (my brothers an engineer, so we dont have to blame the genes, just for record). In the end i did pass, thanks to moms prayers. But I knew am never getting into anything remotely scientific eva.

It was definitely commerce for me. I was just awesome at it. First 4 classes on the first day of college and I knew I was made to do this. I was not lost and I dint have to pretend that I understood coz I actually got what was being taught. 3 years and I graduated without any backlogs, with flying colors and ready to hit the corporate world. Since I've graduated I moved from one field to another, HR being the most favourite so far. And now into administration, I spend half my time making reports on excel or word (i hate em both)and the other half trying to get things done thru other people. As I feel wasted and burnt in the process, cant help but wishing, I was a farmer.