Three days after the valentine's day and I've realised that after so many years of singledome and a year of engagement-pan...I've grown to hate this day more n more with each passing year. The reason being... I may not light candles and buy heart shaped candies and make heart shaped cards for the "lucky winner". Emotionally handicapped OR Romanticaly challenged..u decide. But deep down I know am waiting to be wooed on this very same day. I may laugh at all those sappy couples who plan n plan for this day n dress up n get all mushy about the overly hyped up- "the candle light dinner" but again deep down I wanna try whats it like (Ok so??we all have double standards.....plz dont judge me-I need red roses...and violins should play in the background while am eating!! *confesses- I even have a pretty red dress saved for this since 3 years *hides face )
But obviously nothing happens!!
I tell myself that he is far...and we are both not the types to find happiness in miniscule things and doing silly lil stuff on Valentine's Day. I like to make myself beleive that we are different and beyond the normalcy that other couples engage in. Which is true . But then why did I feel like killing every girl at work who got flowers delivered in her cubicle (followed by an overly exclaimed AWWWW!!!!!)???...I even got depressed to a point where I thaught of ordering some for myself...and was almost convinced to do so by the end of the day when lillies arrived for the fattest girl on the floor. This is how much this stupid day messes with your head. Sad but true. I have unresolved issues with St. Valentine.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Fight me not.
Just realised, if they ever recruit me in the army my combat techniques would comprise of :
1. Ignoring the Opponent
2. Instant Tear Mechanism
3. Offensive Name calling
4. Beating around the Bush while Dodging the Bullets
5. Kissing Ass
Its so sad!!! the fact that I've lost what I once had-my ability to fight and fight right and giving people what they deserve right there n then. The "snap-slap-STFU" mechanism is no longer in action- it retired . Its the end of an era- The haters may rejoice.
The realization sank in today - narration time- the pantry girl at work got mad at me for not clearly mentioning what I need when I had clearly told her hot choclate milk n she got plane hot choclate!!! she obviously dint hear the milk part. forgiven. but the audacity with which she threw some attitude at me yelling -"you be clear next time OK I dont like thees, you waste my time" pointing her finger n East Asian eyes n nose at me totally freaking me out (so much that I could only respond by blogging here, where she will never read) n I apologized to her and she walked off without acknowledging it. I told myself, may be shes having a bad day- then she returns with the right order n I smile wide thanking her n I ask her "how r u ??" she replies: "You waste my time, I am busy"n I say sorry again ...she- walks off.
OMG!! I cant stand this indifference from the pantry girl, I swear to god I got a lump in my throat ready to burst into tears. I could not tell her anything and my brain was formulating ways to kiss her ass and make her like me. Instead of asking her to do her work right I was blaming myself for not repeating the order. I wanted to give her the tried and tested glare and tear her apart with my snide remarks (strictly literally). Which I dint. But I wish I had coz the word is out and everybodys talkign abt it with me as the "evil vamp" anyways. (office gossip is the saddest form of gossips. period.)
Fighting is not the ultimate solution. And I am not referring to anything that might include nunchuks, knives, AK 47, taekwando etc. but only the socially accepted kind of evil cunnyving manipulations that humans engage in, that leads to angry confrontations through excessive usage of verbal abuse or cold silent treatmennt (much more dangerous). But you have got to fight when you have to fight. Sometimes, just to be taken seriously or even when it doesnt benefit anyone..sometimes you got to fight for someone else who can't, sometimes you just have to support the ones you love when they are at it.
I feel I have lost the will to even try. Infact, I pray that sucha situation never comes up where I am asked to take sides or where I am asked for an honest opinion which may lead to a fight (to be honest, nobody really needs an honest opinion yet they keep asking for one :S). In school I was a fiesty tigeress , I had once even slapped a junior (not too proud of it) for a reason so silly that its best unmentioned. Later, in college I was the kind who would be triggered if messed with but other wise your good old "agony aunt" (again, not too proud of it) But not anymore. Something killed the old me, for better or for worse-only time will show!! But rite now I miss her! I miss her lots!!
1. Ignoring the Opponent
2. Instant Tear Mechanism
3. Offensive Name calling
4. Beating around the Bush while Dodging the Bullets
5. Kissing Ass
Its so sad!!! the fact that I've lost what I once had-my ability to fight and fight right and giving people what they deserve right there n then. The "snap-slap-STFU" mechanism is no longer in action- it retired . Its the end of an era- The haters may rejoice.
The realization sank in today - narration time- the pantry girl at work got mad at me for not clearly mentioning what I need when I had clearly told her hot choclate milk n she got plane hot choclate!!! she obviously dint hear the milk part. forgiven. but the audacity with which she threw some attitude at me yelling -"you be clear next time OK I dont like thees, you waste my time" pointing her finger n East Asian eyes n nose at me totally freaking me out (so much that I could only respond by blogging here, where she will never read) n I apologized to her and she walked off without acknowledging it. I told myself, may be shes having a bad day- then she returns with the right order n I smile wide thanking her n I ask her "how r u ??" she replies: "You waste my time, I am busy"n I say sorry again ...she- walks off.
OMG!! I cant stand this indifference from the pantry girl, I swear to god I got a lump in my throat ready to burst into tears. I could not tell her anything and my brain was formulating ways to kiss her ass and make her like me. Instead of asking her to do her work right I was blaming myself for not repeating the order. I wanted to give her the tried and tested glare and tear her apart with my snide remarks (strictly literally). Which I dint. But I wish I had coz the word is out and everybodys talkign abt it with me as the "evil vamp" anyways. (office gossip is the saddest form of gossips. period.)
Fighting is not the ultimate solution. And I am not referring to anything that might include nunchuks, knives, AK 47, taekwando etc. but only the socially accepted kind of evil cunnyving manipulations that humans engage in, that leads to angry confrontations through excessive usage of verbal abuse or cold silent treatmennt (much more dangerous). But you have got to fight when you have to fight. Sometimes, just to be taken seriously or even when it doesnt benefit anyone..sometimes you got to fight for someone else who can't, sometimes you just have to support the ones you love when they are at it.
I feel I have lost the will to even try. Infact, I pray that sucha situation never comes up where I am asked to take sides or where I am asked for an honest opinion which may lead to a fight (to be honest, nobody really needs an honest opinion yet they keep asking for one :S). In school I was a fiesty tigeress , I had once even slapped a junior (not too proud of it) for a reason so silly that its best unmentioned. Later, in college I was the kind who would be triggered if messed with but other wise your good old "agony aunt" (again, not too proud of it) But not anymore. Something killed the old me, for better or for worse-only time will show!! But rite now I miss her! I miss her lots!!
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