How I met your father

If your are anything like me, then you would have spent most of your early 20's screening guys that were introduced to you for a possible "arranged marriage" and you would have always re-edited your list of pros and cons, negatives and positives, likes and dislikes, and inspite of being asked like a frazillion times u still dint know what your actual hobby is (apparently, stalking ppl on facebook is not an acceptable answer).

After having encountered with 29 guys (not proud or ashamed of it) I can say, I found "the one" around 2 years ago. And as am about to say "qubool" soon I cant help but look back at the journey. This post should serve as a low budget and shorter version of "How I met your father" for my future kids.

Note: Imagine 3D graphics, as its future presentation of the past.

Out of the fortunate or unfortunate 29, seven had rejected me. Their reason was:

1. She is not as pretty
2. She is more educated
3. She works
4. I am In love with someone else
5. her sense of humor is weird
6. I want to marry a doctor coz am a doctor
7. A testimonial on her orkut profile says "when she is angry then god save you"

I have no regrets, nor do I feel sorry for them. They have their opinions and am not here to change them. But I admit that when I saw the wife of the guy who dint find me pretty, I felt secretly victorious. she looked like a goat, an ugly goat!! Dont judge, am only saying the truth.

Out of the remaining 22, my mom rejected 2, brother rejected 1 and dad rejected 2 even before I saw or spoke to them. ( Rite now am wondering why dint I make a pie chart for these statistics).

The remaining 17, My reaction to them were:

1. I dint like his moustache, it made him look like a south indian film star.
2. Why did he break into a song in public??
3. His dad calls him "Tiger",(like.....REALLY???)
4. He only had girls in his forwaded emails list
5. He put this caption under his pic on facebook : "Cool water + Hot Me = Evaporation" (he was in a swimming pool)
6. He kept mentioning how rich he is and only wears designer stuff (He hasnt seen my almost original Chanel bag)
7. The first thing he asked me was "can you cook and clean?"
8. He dint know what to do next after getting a degree in Mathematics (?) and at the age of twenty-siX
9. Ill reject him before he tries to reject me.
10. Bald
11. He was already rejected by "that other girl", how can I take him?
12. I dint like his sisters back in school.
13. He was wearing winter clothes in summer (in the month of MAY IN INDIA) and NO!! he was not having a fever (I asked him out of curiousity not care).
14. He instantly wanted to marry me after the first meeting. (despo!)
15. Laughed at anything I said (pathetic!!)
16. Sent his CV to me along with his pictures (I was an HR Consultant back then)
17. Contacted me after I was engaged (sorry :( for ur loss)

I am not saying that my reasons were valid, nor that they were actually nice and I was not worthy enough. And may be they might have found me equally outrageous (or more) and I was just the first person to ring the bell. I knew I was not what they call "Perfect Bride".

Its just that sometimes, a small thing ticks u off and you are like- "shit!!! I cant take this shit for the rest of my life!!". The consequence: I was counselled by countless ppl that, I can never really find that perfect person and should settle down before its too late.(I was almost sixty in their eyes), some said I should find someone online, while some thaught I think too much of myself.

Whatever that it was, right now I think all that drama was necessary for what I have become and to appreciate the person I am with.

We were introduced by a mutual link. We started chatting, It hit off coz none of us were trying to show what we are not and we got each other's jokes and at no point was it "awkward". Then we met a couple of times before we got engaged. (If i tell u he went down on his knees and proposed would you beleive??....No right?? )

So yeah....that's our story.

We may not be holding hands and singing
But I always know what he is thinking

Sometimes he's just plain obnoxious
that's when i start being pretentious

He is anything but romantic
and how he wishes I cud be more diplomatic

I know for sure that he will not be there to comfort & pamper
But he will always inspire me to be better and stronger

He hates my frown, fake smile and the sceptic look
and my only concern in the world is-why isnt he "engaged" on Facebook

I hate how he thinks hes always right
thats when, I thank God that he's far and out of sight

He's careless, forgetful, messy and confusing
I am a big time bitch, am not refusing

He may not be perfect but hes the one
I know, coz I jump when its his phone

Love,
Mom :*

Bridezilla

So there may not be any wedding invitation cards printed yet, but the wedding is on the cards. Hence, unlike the usual girl specimen, I will not get paranoid and act all hysterical. Instead, I have decided to compeletely act indifferent to the whole preperation scene in order to avoid the stress and drama. but how many times can u actually do things that you want to, given an Indian household scenerio and a town full of people who pray day and night for my big day to arrive soon?? close to negative 100 number of times is the answer!!

So, why am I like this?

To begin with, I dunno the date, month or even the year so please dont think am the most unfortunate girl on the planet coz, I am not. I am not waiting night and day for my "baraat" to arrive at the door...I have better things to do, I have a job where my boss treats me like the most brightest human being in the world and I am respected for my opinions (even when I say things like- that shirt is ugly!! or why dont u just take a long leave?). Now I really dunno how many decades it will take before I know whats sposed to be even said in my hubbys house (given a situation) or whether my opinion is even required. Now you cant be excited or depressed about what may or may not happen in the future...hence the indifference for the time being.(to begin with, I dont even know their language so well)

>>>Yet, every now and then am advised to not act this way or that way and this will not work in the new house and why I should be less dramatic and more pleasant, less critical and more appreciating, laugh softly, talk less, etc etc... Am not that outrageous you know.

Secondly, I honestly suck at cooking!! (the truth needs to be told) I have tried and failed several times. I can cook, wihout burning the house... but the condition of the kitchen after am done is exactly the same as it was after tsunami hit the coast of Thailand. And the resultant food has something or the other that makes my dads stomach sick for two days, but he always praises and appreciates. On the other hand my mom refuses to put it in her mouth. There was once a 4 member panel discussion on- why my rotis never turn round and fully cooked, but what can I do?? if am sucha disappointment. I dunno if my mother in law is gonna be supportive or agitated. I tell myself that once I have the motivation to please people through cooking (or starvation) I will eventually learn, so no point fretting!!

>>>Yet, my mom constantly asks me to take a one month leave to learn to cook (can u beleive that??)..n my some aunty says, its utmost important that I learn to make samosas for the sake of family pride and honour (what will they say if they come to know u cant make samosa?... Omg!! the sky will fall). And even 12 yr old girls can make roti...whats wrong with you? (forgive me for am roti dyslexic :S)

Then there are those frequent reminders to finally start shopping for the things to wear before-during-after the wedding. you are being consulted on the colors-style-comfort-budget-shit&blah. As a person who does nothing but wandering the malls and browsing through every wedding picture ever uploaded on facebook, I dont think I need your guidance through this quest for finding a dress that I'd wear for few hours and protect till the rest of my life. And no I have not finalized on any theme for any of the functions (only if there was a theme called - "get over with it already!!"). If its my wedding and I myself ain't half bit worried abt what am gonna wear, then why is it a major world issue?? ill deal with it wen I have to. And its not coz I dont care, its just coz I dont want to buy that dress in advance and spoil it by getting all dressed up every time am depressed or extremely happy (am fully aware of my abnormalities).

>>> yet I have ppl who have volunteered to take me shopping, some even to shop on my behalf (like ill eva let that happen).FYI- My mothers having sleepless nights and this is one of the hundred reasons why. esp. since everybody who will be at the wedding (even the new borns and unborns!!) know what they ill wear except for me.shoot me!! for my top most worry at the momeent is how am I going to handle my dupatta on daily basis.

Then the bitter truth is that, am not living a rockstar lifestyle rite now. its pretty much like no where to go on the weekends apart from groccery shopping with mom n dad and ofcourse wandering the malls with my girl friends. You cant go to movies, beach, fine dining, or a party as all these things have turned into a "couple's thing" at my age, and hence why a long disctance relationship nightmare... So whteva that is that ill do later cant get any worse than this. And since it only gets better y bother obsessing about the life -shaadi ke baad?


>>yet there are some of you, who tell me that is this is the time to rock while am still a free bird and how lifes gonna be on the rocks later ....and this is it, if i dont live it up right now am so gonna regret later. And these very same people guide me through all the above mentioned topics, the very next minute. So they ask me to take it easy and relax and at the same time they want to be paranoid and hysterical... like really?? what exactly do u want me to do?? and how will that effect your life??

Its not even funny anymore!!! I keep telling "the fiance" that we should elope, he thinks am being funny (talk about communication gap). But tht seems like the most easiest get away from the whole wedding prep nightmare.

About the marital life, whatever tht ill happen is destined to happen whether for good or bad.. !! And,I cant change myself now to be some one later!!.

***!!Thts rite!! am a Bridezilla for all the wrong reasons***