Quart-Life Crisis

I am 25 and I had thaught I'd be a bit more confident, a bit less judgemental and a far less sceptic in life by now. but no!! I still haven't outgrown my silly fears and I still haven't gotten rid of  few (many) senseless/annoying habits.

I really cant tell at this point, if ill evolve out of it or take it to my grave, may be people around me will get used to it or may be i'd be forced to change. Who knows?? I seem to suffer from a serious case of "QUART-LIFE CRISIS".

Here's why:

1. I STILL have a strange fear of stuffed animals and dolls - there's a strange way in which they stare with their beaded eyes like they know your secrets. That's why I never owned a single toy as a kid, and sadly I can still not cross a toy store without wanting to make dash for my life, but I dont !! I just avoid eye contact and walk fast. But I can chase and kill a lizard or rat, jsut letting u know.

2. I STILL have a fear of holding kids, I have a feeling that i'd drop them and permanently damage their head (nothing as such has happened as yet -just FYI). So when a kid is handed to me, I take all necessary safety precautions like sitting in the midl of the room on a fluffy cushioned surface or looking at them only when they are sleeping or are far. I really dont know where i'd live when I have my own kids, am thiking -a marshmellow house in the clouds....

3. I STILL buy things that I'd never ever use in my life, like a recent trench coat purchase and pink boots and have to mention that beaded bag (that broke the very next day) and matching orange bangles (what was I thinking??). I hope some sort of miraculous wisdom dawns on me if not that then atleast a bigger wardrobe or a secret dungeon to hide all these dumbass fashion fiascos of my life.

4. I STILL think that going to the bank is the most riskiest thing I can do with my life. What if there's a bank robbery when am there??...What if am taken hostage?? What if , for some reason my account balance shows zero and I can't do anything about it?? dont even get me started on internet banking and Indian banks.

5. I STILL try to hide my 12th grade exam results from people, when nobody really gives a damn and  nobody has ever asked me about it since high school. The marks were pathetic and only my mom's prayers made me pass. But still, I'd like to throw it in the same dungeon with my hedious stuff.

6. I STILL fight over clothes with my sister.

7. I STILL stammer like a duck in Arctic Ocean when am nervous. ( I still talk in idioms that only I understand)

8. I STILL get paranoid when a man's walking behind me, mostly he's just doing his own thing, wanting me to get out of his way. But i have to get all hysterical and plan my "pepper spraying" or "yelling on top of my voice" moves. I live by the motto: Better be paranoid than sorry.

9. I STILL gesticulate while telling a story, sometimes with both my arms in the air (even if its on the phone...plz go ahead and picture that).

10. I STILL do my math using X as the unknown.

11. I STILL have this annoying habit of passing on random facts and trivia to people for no reason. Even if its far from the topic of discussion. It doesnt even make me look smarter anymore, given google and wikipedia. (Did you know that Mithun Chakraborthy's son's name is Mimoh Chakraborthy?)

12. I STILL loose all my sense of logical reasoning when am trying to prove a point.

 You know I cant help it right??...coz I am suffering from "Quart-life crisis"!! But if I get killed by a man chasing me into a bank thats being robbed by a stuffed teddy bear, then the cops will track you down, am telling you!!

Inspite of all this, few of my recent acheivemtns include: having managed to find and retain a job, even progressed at it. I helped in planning and organizing both my siblings' "Big-fat-ass Bohra Wedding", and teaching economics to a 12th standard kid (& she passed at it). Had to mention all this so as to show am not totally a big pile of worthlessness.

You know you are from Banswara when.....

Disclaimer: You might be angry after reading this OR you might not care but if you have no clue of what we are talking about then you are just not from Banswara, and you shall receive an introductory tour on my too-cool-for-words electric bike someday.

Me and my friend (shall remain anonymous, as she is single and has hopes to marry someday) have come up with this uniqe list during one of our many sleep overs during our recent trip to the beloved village/town of ours- BANSWARA. The possibility is atleast one/more/all will be true if you are from Banswara (even if you dont live there)

You know you are from Banswara when.......

1. You communicate by making a face or sound and ur first reaction to everything is to disagree.

2. Your mom hides all the dry fruits (kaaaju-badaam-pista) that your dad sent from Kuwait only to feed you secretly when noone is loooking.

3. You are considered very highly educated if you studied at "St. Pauls Convent".

4. Amri Gandi, Shadulla, Moga, Bobri Banu and Painter+wife- you know atleast one of them.

5. You have gone on a date to Novelty or Danpur Mishthan Bhandaar at some point. (*guilty)

6. You go to Ahmedabad for every tiny bit of medical problem you have or u think u do.

7. One or more of your relatives have sworn to death to never talk to you again, for a reason you both dont remember any more.

8. You know atleast one girl who had eloped or is planning to. (I do)

9. You burst crackers for every other reason (if a baby is born, if someone returns from a trip, if your son came from Kuwait, if you are bored, lights are off...etc)

10. You know people by their embarassing nick names prolly related to some defects on his/her face or body ...talk abt brutal!!

11. Everybody u know has a capability of becoming a mimic or a stand up comedian within seconds.

13. You strongly beleive that everything goes wrong coz someone has an evil eye on you. (that diarrhoea was not coz of the shitty pani puri u ate at kushal bagh, it was EVIL EYE!!!)

14. You eat "Gaakhar" and daal gosht on special occassions.
15. You think you are highly sophisticated compared to other "wagad" people.(Damn right!! we r better than u Partarpuris)

16. You tend to take insults better than compliments.

17. You have gone to dargah for a picnic and not for religeous purposes. (*guilty)

18. You think riding an auto rikshaw with your entire clan mounted one on top of the other (and the fortunate/unfortunate kids right upto drivers lap) is the best value for money and more fun (so what if its dangerous and suffocating).

19. You sit outside your house with your other neighbors to discuss any human (or cow) that passes by and you still keep saying: I am not the kind of person who bothers about others.

20. You add- "ayi ayi" or "aa zu" or "ago za" or "ago mar" or "alee bai" to the start or end of your sentences.

21. You have atleast one picture of urself at the "most ultra happening-hot spot"-- the Kagdi pickup. (I have 5 :p)

I love where am from even though it can be nerve wrecking to deal with the likes of my own. I miss my place and people  though I cant wait to return the moment I land. And I may feel like I cant take it anymore, I'd still blog about it!! I may have lived in Kuwait from the time I was born but if anybody asks, I am from Banswara (escuse me, for I need to make a sad crying face using my lips, nose n eyelids)

Unexplained Female Behaviours

Note: this post had gotten deleted by mistake, hence why reposting it for the good fo humanity (ofcourse)

I am a regular girl by all means (n a humble one at that) and I do have my regular girl moments now n then, like the need to shop recklessly and the need to throw unreasonable tantrums and pop the ocassional "do i look fat??" kind of questions. But as I am growing old and I see fellow women, am just saddened by their regular behavioural patterns. While some do make sense but most don't. We are complicated. Agreed. but even as a female specie I fail to understand why:

1. Boys need to buy expensive gifts but girls can be creative and make something out of her 4th grade craft class material. Sending the guy on a guilt trip of how shes so much more sensitive and thaughtfull while hes wondering he cant use it-cant throw it...wth is he suppsed to do with that??

2. In every girl group there has to be one fat friend. And if she is fat, she has to be funny n nice (by default..she is left with no other choice), she's not supposed to have mood swings, bf issues, image issues etc.. . Other skinny girls can be as bitchy and self centered as it can be possible.

3. Everybody will visit the washroom all at once like we ill get a group discount or something.

4. Her clothes should be matching with his clothes all the time, even for normal outings (weddings r still fine)

5. The subject under discussion says things like "why dont you call me?".."Do u miss me?" ..."U dont even care" (whteva happened to self respect)

6. Hating the bf's ex is like default. (one must befriend her ...if u ask me). She's fat and ugly even if u have never seen/met her.

7. Non stop chatter box kind of "Bubbly" gals just have to be every guys favourite (how i hate them), and if your witty and smart, well ur just a bitch unless you have goddess like features.

8. Dumb and stupid gals are perceived as cute. (aww :S ). I ve seen some who act dumb on purpose just to be cute (Sadistic as hell). Its one thing to have an ocassional blonde moment and completely other to be blonde.

9. If You are a Female, u just have to be clingy and needy all the time. There is no chance in hell that, you are not wanting to spend so much time with him.

10. PMS is the obvious cause for most blunders in life or hereafter.

11. They talk about celebrities like they are one of us, as if all the happenings in their lives obviously affects us in a big way (how could tiger woods do that..how how??)

12. A big bag with nothing important in it is to be carried at all times (this is me!!.... bright side... atleast I am aware of my craziness).

13. Cant we call our men by their real names?? No!! u must have cutely cuddly short names!!!It disghusts me really. More than half the male popullation of India is "Jaanu" the other half has a "u" or "i" after their original names!! (Ima call my man something manly.. Am still confused between Superman/Stud-Muffin/Hercules/Sabu)

14."yay!!" or "OH MY GOD" needs to be yelled out loud for anything or every thing that happens. (call me plain, but only a 75% sale in aldo can get the kind of reaction out of me)

15. Sleeping with 55 teddy bears around you in your entirely pink bedroom with "princess" written on the door after you have written your daily diary with feathery end pen was still normal if you were 7. Not wen ur old inuff to date. ( Once, I got a teddy bear as a valentine's day gift, I swear to god I tossed it in the garbage.)

The research is ongoing. I shall update you on more. As I have noticed more n more gals are dumber than their predecessors. And while at it, we will not spare the absurdities and bizzare actions of the regular male specimen, which will be listed in a future post.